New year, new challenges

january 3, 2026

These holidays were difficult. It’s even been difficult to put words to describe it all. It was a mix of bitterness and sweetness from November until now. November 12 was supposed to be my due date and Thanksgiving, our first holiday with our newborn; this is part of the bitterness. Sweet came when I went to Tokyo with friends for Thanksgiving, and then hosted Christmas dinner, exchanging and receiving more gifts than I can count. I was actually overwhelmed with happiness in the moment. It wasn't until after that that the little bit of bitterness came back when I realized again we didn't have our baby for yet another holiday. 

It really does come in these uncomfortable waves. The crying still comes and goes. I am 6 months postpartum and still replay the day in my head like it was yesterday. 

Life overseas has also played its part in our grief. We didn’t have any family around when we lost either baby, which has made it so much more difficult. The friends you make become your family, and I have never been more grateful for the ones we made, but ultimately left due to military moves, and the new ones we've made who have been there with us in our times of need. As grateful as I am for this season, I am also looking forward to 2026, which marks the year we will return to the States and finally be with family after nearly five years of not seeing any family other than my mom. 

So, as we step into the new year, I am challenging my prayer life as I continue in the season of grief.  I am diving deeper into my relationship with the Lord and trusting Him more. I encourage you, reader, to do the same. Examine your relationship with the Lord and identify areas that are starving and need nourishment this year.