Little Mercies
Dec 9
One thing that I felt grateful for when I was grieving the loss of Ari was that I knew there was a God. My grief overwhelmed me so much one day after a postpartum appointment that I went into a full-blown anxiety attack. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, no matter how deep a breath I took. I remember calling my pastor's wife, and she just prayed over me. After that, I realized I have a Savior who is waiting for me to realize He’s there for me, always has been. When I leaned on Him, the more I started to see the sweet little moments he had given me with Ari that I had overlooked in the moment. Just to list off a couple:
He gave us an extra week with her.
Hearing her heart beat every day, multiple times a day, it stayed between 140-150 the whole time (i’ll never forget that sound)
Feeling her kick so much more than normal
Having the sweetest nurses and doctors. I had a nurse who was getting off her shift when I was ready to push, and I asked her to stay with me, and she could've said no, she had been there for 12hrs+, but she said of course and she held my hand the whole time.
watching my husband cut our daughter's umbilical cord and hold her for the first time.
My husband standing in the steaming hot shower with me after I gave birth because no painkiller was working, and the Pitocin was kicking my butt.
I honestly could go on forever because God is just that good. Did it turn out the way we wanted it to? Unfortunately, no, but He was still there in every moment. It grieves me that for some people in their lowest moment, they don't know the name of Jesus to call on.
