A little background for you!

December 2, 2025

Let me bring you up to speed on life. In 2022, my husband got orders to South Korea, we were apart for exactly a year, and yes, it sucked. In 2023, he’s home, and in typical military fashion, we have exactly 2 weeks and 2 days to move out of our apartment, put our household goods in storage to be picked up at a later time, and sell our car. Did we get it done? Yes. Was it extremely stressful? Also yes! Somehow, in all the stress of those two weeks, I got pregnant and had no idea until we had already been in Japan for at least two weeks. Unfortunately, as quickly as we found out I was pregnant, we lost our baby. This honestly sent my faith on a spiral. I had just given my life to Jesus in July of that same year, and in my mind, it was like Okay, God, I see you! Everything is going to be perfect now. And that absolutely was not the case. I questioned God, I was angry with God, and to be extremely honest, I wanted nothing to do with Him anymore. I was lost, confused, because why did I give my life to God, and this is what happens next? For the next year or so, I wrestled with God, ignored God, and tried to move on from it all. My husband kept his faith and tried to help me hold on to mine. At this time, I picked up sourdough and some new friends. I put my focus on so many other things but God. March 4, 2025, just for some funnies, I took a pregnancy test, and to my surprise, two lines showed up. Now is a good time to mention I am diagnosed with PCOS and that the doctors have labeled me “infertile”; meanwhile, this is the second time I have gotten pregnant with no fertility treatment. My pregnancy was rough. I was diagnosed with HG Hyperemesis Gravidarum, in and out of the ER, unable to eat or even keep down water. Just the mention of food, and I would want to throw up. At 14 weeks, the day of what was supposed to be our gender reveal, we ended up in the ER again due to some bleeding. The baby was fine, and the bleeding went away in just a day or two. While in the hospital, our sweet friends visited and surprised us with the news that our baby was a girl! We were beyond excited. As my pregnancy went on, I could feel something was not right in how low I was carrying, but I was so afraid of being wrong, I didn't say anything until it was unfortunately too late. On my birthday, I shared all my concerns with my doctor, to which I was told, “That's normal.” Just a week later, my water broke at exactly 19 weeks. Absolutely devastated, we rushed to the hospital, and we were admitted immediately. The next week was a lot. Your daughter is going to die; you just missed the mark. Nothing we can do but wait. On Monday, June 23, 2025, our beautiful Ari was born, lived for 30 minutes, and passed as I held her. The next 6 weeks were absolutely brutal. Postpartum Anxiety hit me like a truck, but through this, my husband and I switched roles, oddly enough. This time around, I ran to God, desperate to be close to Him; my husband, on the other hand, was rightfully angry with God. Here we are, nearly 6 months later, and still navigating grief.